Marcia Hebert's Blog

I love creating aesthetically pleasing environments for children! I love the possibilities within each space! I love moving furniture to get just the right placement! I love finding the perfect container for our nature walk treasures! I love adding unique materials to the shelves! And, I love to watch the children discover all that is waiting to be discovered!

Many years ago, when I opened my first child care center, my instinct was to re-create (as closely as I could) the home environment that the children had lived and played in before coming to me.

We had all natural wood furniture, curtains on the windows, and lots of soft spaces. We had baskets of green plants, pottery vases filled with pussy willows, and mason jars full of wild flowers. We baked breads and cookies. Through open windows, we heard the chirping of birds, the wind through the trees. We watched rainbows, shadows, and sunshine on the carpet as the light transformed our space. Outside, we made good use of everything – the pine needled paths through the woods, the pond where we ate snack in our canoe, and the hilly landscape that invited us to roll and roll in the summer and slide on the snow all winter long.

As I look back, I realize that instinctively we were taking our inspiration and shaping our ideas from those places where we experience the world of people and things most fully – through our senses. Our child care environment appealed to our senses of sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. And, it did so naturally! Everything somehow fit together – the color, the light, the natural beauty, the smells, and the sounds.

And, I learned that it is the aesthetic elements of life that make the world a rich experience. They stimulate and nurture our many moods. They are the elements we have in the places where we live – and I think they are the elements we should especially have in settings where children and adults spend their days together.

I am a huge fan of creating inviting, homelike, and aesthetically pleasing environments for young children. These little ones essentially “live” with us five days of the week. Shouldn’t we strike a balance between the living and learning of their days?

Fast forward to my fourth child care center – thirteen years later.

I am reading early childhood environment trends in one of our professional publications:

“The aesthetic appeal is all about color, lighting, display, texture, nature, sounds, and smells; and the warm, home-like feel is about softness, real-life materials blended into the child’s world of things.”

Sometimes, we just know!

The partnership between the parent and the teacher cannot be underestimated. When it is built on mutual trust and respect, everything else falls into place. Everything!

This poem, by Ray Lingenfelter, says it all:

Unity

I dreamed I stood in a studio
and watched two sculptors there.
The clay they used was a young child’s mind
and they fashioned it with care.

One was a teacher.
The tools she used were books and music and art;
One was a parent
with a guiding hand and a gentle, loving heart.

And when at last their work was done,
they were proud of what they had wrought;
for the things they had worked into the child
could never be sold or bought.

And each agreed she would have failed
if she had worked alone;
for behind the parent stood the school,
and behind the teacher stood the home.

I’ve always loved this poem.

In this life, we don’t go it alone. When we learn how to connect with one another and appreciate what others bring into our lives (and into the lives of our children) – how rich it all becomes.

If you would like to further discuss the parent relationships in your program, contact me at marciahebert@earthlink.net. I have lots to share.

My next series of posts will focus on Environments for Children.

Even in the most competently run early childhood programs, parents have concerns and sometimes complaints. And, they have a right and a responsibility to express their concerns and to receive thoughtful responses.

There are some general strategies to use in these situations – strategies that will also help us continue to build positive relationships.

Give these concerns your immediate attention.

Find a place to talk privately and invite conversation. If the parent is too emotional to have a conversation, let the parent vent (getting everything out now will diffuse some of the initial emotion). And, set another time (within twenty-four hours) to have the conversation.

Meanwhile, we can gather more information from the teachers’ (perspective) and begin to piece the problem and a resolution together. If a parent concern is passed on to you by someone else, make contact with the parent as quickly as possible. The longer a person stews about a problem, the more confused and out of proportion it can become.

Listen closely.

Be fully present. Keep an open mind. Get all the information from the parent (perspective). Let your concern show. And, avoid reacting before you have heard everything the parent wants to say. This one is tough, because the temptation to jump in is so strong. Patience, patience, patience at this time will set the appropriate tone for resolution.

Summarize the issue in your own words.

Before you end your conversation with the parent, repeat the issue in your own words. This approach serves two purposes: the parent is reassured that you have listened and that you understand; and, you both know that you agree on the issue.

If there has been an error, admit it.

Sometimes, we make mistakes. I “growl” when this happens. I also find it helpful to take the blame for whatever, whomever, and then move quickly to how we can correct the situation. Our honesty will be appreciated – admitting a mistake is one way to build trust. This I know, an apology goes a long way.

Enlist parents help in solving the problem.

What will it take for the parent to feel that the situation is being handled appropriately? How will we be sure the problem does not repeat itself? Together, decide what might be done to remedy the situation and develop a plan.

Set a date to evaluate the success of the plan.

If you develop a plan, and it is working to most everyone’s satisfaction, wonderful! If not, go back to the drawing board and try something else. I have found that as long as people know you are working on the problem, they are likely to stay with you and continue to help with the resolution.

Let a parent know when a policy will not change.

Policies in early childhood programs have been written because they insure the well-being of children first; they have been written to be in compliance with state and national standards; and they are the foundation of the operating organization. There’s no wiggle room in a policy. It is what it is.

When a parent’s complaint is not one you are able to do anything about (for example, changing your policy on sick children at school), express understanding and explain the reasons you must keep the policy as is. I have found that parents appreciate knowing the reasons, the rationale, behind everything!

Always treat the parent with respect.

We say this so often, it should be a “duh” moment – of course we should always treat parents with respect! But, I think sometimes we miss the mark and get tangled up in an emotional joust with a parent.

I think it is important that each person leave every conversation with self-esteem intact. Parents who have expressed a concern and feel they have been treated well will also be assured that you care.

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Truer words were never written.

Thank parents who express concerns. Let them know that you think of them as partners.

As a director, I reflected upon every interaction with parents. I found it extremely helpful to write down what happened during the conversation – what was spoken, what was not spoken, and how I felt. I always learned something – for the next time. For there would always be a next time.

I’d love your thoughts on this topic. What have you tried that works? Please share –there is a large readership here, and we can all learn from one another.

As early childhood educators, helping relationships develop naturally and authentically between parents, teachers, and children is what we do. Some of us do this with ease. Some of us need a little guidance. And some of us have used the strategy of building the parent relationship through the child with much success.

Parents have the inside scoop on their child; they already know what makes their little one “tick.” So, let’s tap into this parent wisdom; learn what they have already learned about their child; and begin the dialogue by focusing together on their child. By doing this, a couple of wonderful things will happen: We will know much more about the child, and be able to more quickly meet his individual needs. And we will gain the trust of the parents when we include them, their experiences, their expertise, and their thoughts, in our world.

To get at this “parent wisdom,” we can ask thoughtful and intentional questions about their child. And then, we can listen closely to the answers that will undoubtedly give us more insight into this child and this family. I’m not suggesting a questionnaire to be completed by the parents. But, rather, engaging questions that can, and should, be asked over time; asked informally, naturally, without effort, and when the appropriate moment presents itself; asked during relaxed and enjoyable casual conversation.

Getting the parents’ perspective on many topics and learning from them will build a partnership based on mutual respect and trust. The give and take of positive conversation is a plus. Each interaction moves us toward our goal.

Should a problem arise, what we learned can be pieced together to help us better meet the needs of the child and family. And, down the road, if that difficult conversation is needed, the foundation for it will already have been built.

Here, then, are a few examples. They are essentially conversation starters. They are questions that will get to the heart of the child – the answers to which will uncover a little bit more of the child’s spirit, temperament, family culture, social-emotional health, physical health, learning style, and interests.

• How did you choose your child’s name?
• What especially delights your child?
• What brings on the giggles?
• In what type of a setting is your child most likely to be quiet? more outgoing?overwhelmed?
• What does your family consider good behavior – for your child’s age?
• Are there traditional family games or songs your child enjoys?
• How does your child like to start the day?
• If overwhelmed, what are ways you and your child cope?
• What are typical signs of illness? do they come on quickly? slowly?
• What are sure signs your child is hungry? tired?
• At what times is your child most likely to be talkative?
• What does your child enjoy doing when playing alone? when playing with adults? when playing with other children?

Think what we could learn from the answers. Could we better accommodate each child and family if we had the answers? 

We can learn a lot from the parents in our programs. To recognize that they have much to teach us is the first step in building the partnership.  And, when we have their trust, they will share with us.

This past year I have had the privilege of working with numerous directors of early childhood programs, as well as their teams of teachers.

I presented training that ranged from building effective teams, to creating warmer, homelike environments; from finding and using unique materials and activities for children, to building collaborative relationships with parents; from learning how to set goals and then moving toward meeting them, to de-cluttering spaces for children and de-stressing everyone in the process.

I coached and mentored aspiring, new, and experienced directors alike – at their schools, over the phone, and via email – troubleshooting, and finding solutions to staffing, space, organization, the rhythm of the day, transition, parent, and child situations. I observed both teachers and children – as another set of eyes and ears for the director – helping to make changes as needed. And, I consulted and strategized with directors who were opening new programs; directors who were expanding their programs; and directors who were closing their schools.

I have been pleased to experience, time and time again, the level of commitment, dedication, passion, and enthusiasm of these directors and teachers. They are reaching for quality. And, it has warmed my heart, because I know that the children reap the benefit by having wonderful early childhood experiences.

Recently, I returned to a program to retrieve my Sophia. Sophia is a puppet with spiky gray hair, wrinkles, and a long, black dress. To children, Sophia is real.

But, let me back up a bit. I was consulting with an early childhood program this past fall, and when I walked into one of the preschool classrooms, there was their puppet, Gloria, sitting on the sofa. Gloria is an identical twin to my Sophia! Can you believe it! Anyway, an animated conversation took place between the teacher and the children. And, I agreed to bring my Sophia to this busy room of preschoolers for a play date and an overnight. Well, apparently, the two puppets and the children had a wonderful time together, because, when I arrived at the school to retrieve my Sophia, I was greeted with stories, pictures, and a play-by-play of the Sophia/Gloria adventure:

“They had slept on the sofa under the peace quilt.” (that’s a story for another time)
“They weren’t afraid of the dark – they had a night light.”
“Gloria gave Sophia her necklace.” (a beaded one that the children made)
“Gloria and Sophia are going to be pen pals.”
“Could Sophia come back for another play date?”

And just before Sophia and I left, the entire classroom serenaded us with “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” – Gloria’s screeching voice heard above all others! Sophia and I blew kisses as we left the children and teachers. Pure magic!

Gloria is a treasured part of this classroom. To the children, she is real. They talk with her, care for her, worry about her, include her in everything. She listens, and whispers her thoughts. She is the voice for many of the “unspoken” things young preschoolers think about. And she is their friend.

The teacher who has added this puppet experience to the classroom is a masterful teacher of young children. She has added another dimension to an already rich program. In fact, a gift to everyone in the school – for Gloria is known and loved by all of the teachers, parents, and children!

Pure magic!
Isn’t this what working with young children is all about?

I observed many magical moments this past year, as I moved from program to program and built relationships with the directors, teachers, and children. What a privilege to observe so many wonderful things happening for so many.

Our early childhood colleagues (directors and teachers alike) are doing extraordinary work with the young children in their care. They love what they do! And, there is the desire to want to do it better.

I saw the passion in their eyes; heard the enthusiasm in their voices; and noted the strong commitment to quality in their words and actions.

We are fortunate to have such people in our programs. As we know, it begins with a few, and then ripples throughout the organization. And, as we also know, it begins at the top.

As a director, are you creating a climate for magic?

“… let them be little ‘cause they’re only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little”

These are the words to a song by Billy Dean, and every time I hear them, something stirs deep within me.

The longer I live, the less I understand the rationale behind the “rushing,” the “hurriedness,” the “sense of urgency” that accompanies everything we do today. Why the fast lane? Where are we going? What are we racing to?

Many of us today are preoccupied – we are multi-tasking. There is too much to do, too much to know – all of it overwhelming to the spirit. Life is passing by and we are missing so many of the ordinary moments – moments that, as we know, are anything but ordinary! These are the moments that will tell the stories of our lives; but, if we are hurrying through life, we are likely to miss them.

I am most concerned about what this “hurriedness” does to the youngest of our children. They are often swept along in the current of the adults in their lives. They have no control, and no say in the matter.

But, this “rushing” does go against children’s nature. There is certainly a disconnect to their own sense of time and their personal rhythm – which is, in a word, leisurely.

For them, can’t we slow things down? Can’t we let them be little? Can’t we follow their lead?

I marvel at children’s powers of concentration and focus when they are thoroughly absorbed in something. Nothing can move them from the task at hand. And we celebrate that the children are so engaged, and are learning so much from the experience.

Yet, we disturb all of this by ringing a bell, clapping our hands, turning off the lights, or (one of my pet peeves) yelling across the classroom that “it’s cleanup time!” We tell the children that we need to hurry, so that we can get outside on time. And, we begin to hurry – in our voices, in our actions – as we disturb the child’s activity and the tone of the classroom.

The damage has been done – the magic of their moment has abruptly ended. Abruptly. No winding down; no opportunity for the children to figure out how they can continue their activity later in the day. No thought given to their interests, their imaginations, their conversations, their problem-solving – and their JOY!

We have to move on – now!

We know this happens every day in our classrooms. But, does it have to?

Couldn’t we just let the play, the children’s work, continue – for those who are so engaged? Must we interrupt their focus and make the transition to snack at exactly 10:00 – for everyone? Couldn’t we think about another way to make snack available to the children – when they are ready for it?

Couldn’t we intentionally slow down our adult pace and consider the children’s needs (their sense of time and personal rhythm) when planning and carrying out activities and projects? Couldn’t we re-visit the amazing block structure later in the day – and not tear it down right now?

Couldn’t we provide sufficient time for them to be together with friends? to get things done with satisfaction? Couldn’t we allow the children plenty of time to complete their drawing, their book, their make-believe, so that they control the start and the finish.

Couldn’t we provide the time for our young children to enjoy the process of learning? to experiment? to make mistakes and readjustments? to complete a task? to laugh? to engage with others? to have fun? to be little?

Lots to consider and reflect upon.

To my way of thinking, nothing is more important. I’d love your thoughts.